"Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead. Walk beside me and be my friend.”
God is a freeing God. He is big enough to handle your doubts, suspicions, skepticism, challenges, anger, bitterness. He can handle brutal honesty. He is a freeing God. He is a freeing God because as soon as He’s not, He becomes a suffocating God. and as soon as we become suffocated, what’s the purpose of being a Christian?
It’s okay to step outside the box. think abstract. Jesus did. always. and plus, He can handle it.
over and over again, the phrase, “it’s the little things in life that get you by,” is becoming true for me. which is the opposite of my life, since i put value into big opportunities and adventures. i love big experiences and huge victories.
well…speaking of big victories…Libby Ryder is officially cancer free! if anyone has read the blog, you’ll know that her blog has been one of the highlights of my semester and past semester. wow. HUGE victory.
i’m not going to write much but besides my current thoughts. i had dgroup tonight and we had a discussion (quite heated) just about the lord, salvation, after life, how crazy christianity is sometimes, etc. it was SO rejuvenating to have raw, REAL conversation. conversation that brings you to tears, frustration, and happiness. how i always want that.
i was sharing with two friends about how the lord has created me to be a fighter yet has called me to be a peacemaker in this season of time. how paradoxical but absolutely incredible my internal battle has been. i’ve always had this passion to not necessarily FIGHT for the sake of fighting, but to not be afraid to challenge or stretch or use my voice for what i know is right. and i love how affirmed and free i finally feel in that. i used to be confused or ashamed why i had such passion in me because sometimes it comes out to be too much for people to handle. but i am so okay with it and i wouldn’t change it for anything. but he’s also calling me to be a peacemaker and i’m learning what that is and what it looks like. and let’s just say…it looks coooooooool.
but yeah. tonight was something that just was a little thing to keep me going. i wish i had the energy to talk more about the thoughts in MUH HEAD but it’s midnight and i’m becoming loopy.
:)R
i am trying to understand how to walk this weary land.
I want a life that sizzles and pops and makes me laugh out loud. And I don’t want to get to the end, or to tomorrow, even, and realize that my life is a collection of meetings and pop cans and errands and receipts and dirty dishes. I want to eat cold tangerines and sing out loud in the car with the windows open and wear pink shoes and stay up all night laughing and paint my walls the exact color of the sky right now. I want to sleep hard on clean white sheets and throw parties and eat ripe tomatoes and read books so good they make me jump up and down, and I want my everyday to make God belly laugh, glad that he gave life to someone who loves the gift.
Lord, I am worth waiting for. I am worth Your best, and I will patiently wait for the best You have to offer. While I wait God, I will trust in you. I will believe that Your timing and Your plan is better than mine. My perfect mate is being transformed to compliment me, just as I am being transformed to compliment him.
Would you allow me to see myself as You see me? Would you show me how to bear Your image, how my heart and mind and spirit are a perfect reflection of how good You are.
Let me focus on all the things that You did right and forgive myself and others for all the things that have gone wrong. Lord, release me from being bound to anyone other than You. You have come to restore my heart. Whoever stole it or wounded it no longer has a part of me. You, Lord, have all of me. Thank you for fighting for me, God, for saying that I am worth fighting for. Thank you for bringing comfort and hope into the areas of my heart that only know sorrow and brokenness.
Thank you for never leaving me, for never giving up on me or walking out on me. Thank you for always saying I am enough. You are behind me, ahead of me and beside me, guiding me and loving me. I am not perfectly flawed or perfectly wounded…..I am not my wounds…..I am not the lies of my past or the culmination of broken relationships. I am a perfect reflection of Your image.
I pray for the man you have prepared for me. I ask for purity in his heart and his actions. May his relationship with You be what propels him toward me. Let us trust Your plan and Your timing for when we meet, how we date and our marriage. Mold him into the man that You have created him to be.
Thank you for saying I am worth all of You, God. Thank you for saying I am worth your best.
libby ryder is done chemo! gosh, it’s so crazy/weird how attached i have become to someone i’ve never met! but her blog has kept my life in perspective the last few months.
PLEASE check out her blog. http://libbyryder.blogspot.com/
go back to august and read her story and her journey and really understand how gracious the lord is.
i felt so compelled to write this, because as i sit here in south africa, with today consisting of zebras, giraffes (pictures to come), and exploring in biology class, i can’t help but realize that although life is definitely about adventures and exploring and traveling, there is more. what is most important in life is loving and relationships and strength in the lord and your faith and your struggles and challenges. exploring and looking at exotic animals are nothing if you don’t have that pursuit of real living—real relationships in the darkest of times. walking in a valley with friends and family.
their marriage is beyond incredible. reading how libby’s husband, justin, supported her in this time and how they were truly one…wow. i mean, i know most people are excited for marriage, but i’m excited for that type of marriage. where christ is crucial and present. speaks of love completely. a love that makes people jealous (in the best way possible).
so as i sit here, not doing homework, i am rejoicing with libby and so many of her family/friends. i feel so lucky she let people in her life to walk this journey with her. i hope my life can glorify god the way hers has.
